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Marriage Without Jesus - Simply Helping Him: Marriage Experience from a Help Meet



Nov 18

Marriage Without Jesus

When we are busy planning our wedding, usually the last thing we think of is the difficulties that are going to catch up with us somewhere along the way. The disagreements we’ll have with our husbands, the things that will eventually drive us crazy, the hard times that will make us wonder what we were thinking marrying this man. Yet whether we take the time to think about them or not, doesn’t change the fact that in marriage there will be hard times, things that drive us mad and differences we’ll have from our husband.

I’ve heard people say that they’ve given their half or their all, and yet nothing they did mattered. I myself have said the very same things, and in many other ways. I know all to well how easy it is to feel like a failure in the marriage department. Looking around at all that you’ve done and not seeing that it’s made any difference in your marriage. I’ve been there. I’m not sure that I’ve felt that for the last time either, in fact I’m quite positive that I will have those feelings again.


The difference for me now is that I know that these feelings are deceitful. They do not speak truth, nor do they determine the future of my marriage. 

Marriage is not based on feelings, just like love isn’t. Our marriages must be established with Jesus as part of them. They must be a three strand cord that can not be broken, and Jesus is the strand that will keep it from breaking. 

We must be dedicated and partnered with Jesus to be the wife we’ve been called to be. The wife God created us to be. The wife Jesus will empower us to be. This is so much easier said than done, I know this to be so very true.

Somewhere along the way we begin to feel like we’re alone, that no one cares and we find that all our strength is gone. We feel that there is absolutely nothing more we can do. Yes, yes, I’ve been here, I’ve cried my eyes out and felt these very same feelings too.

During the darkness it is hard to see the light. Usually it’s because we’re curled up with our head touching our knees with tears pouring over them. If we would only lift our heads and open our eyes, we would begin to see the light. It begins as a small pin dot, but yet it is light. As we dry our eyes and walk towards the light it will become brighter and larger than before. Until we find ourselves covered in the light.

The light never leaves us. We walk away, sometimes even crawl away trying to just escape the pain. Yet even in the darkness pain never leaves, this is something we often forget until we get there and the memories flood back from the last trip we’ve made here. 

In the midst of it all how do we become dedicated wives…..empowered wives…..the wife God created us to be?

The answer is so simple, as most answers are I find. I’m not sure why we try to complicate when God created simplicity.

We must rely on Him. Jesus is the light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we remain in Him, then the darkness can not overcome us. When we grasp hold of Jesus’ hand and say “Walk with me, please Lord? I’m tired and I can’t keep on alone”, He is right there every step of the way. He won’t let go, as long as we don’t let go.

When we say that we’re giving our half or our all, and that we’ve done all we can do for our marriage. Most often we’re speaking the truth. Notice the pronoun in all of those statements. WE.

When we strive to do things on our own, we will eventually fail. It might not be a disastrous failure, or even evident to others, but still somewhere along the way our humanity gets in the way. We grow tired, frustrated, and sin often gets in the way.

In order for us to give 100% in our marriage, we must be partnered with Jesus. He will make up the other half when we don’t have it, He will be all that our marriage needs when we have nothing left. His strength, love, grace and mercy will carry us through. By partnering with Him in our marriage, the result will be that our marriage has strength we’d never known, our love for our husband will grow when it seemed that there was nothing left, the hard times will be spent on our knees seeking direction, refreshment, and love to pour out yet again.

No one ever said marriage was easy, yet we expect it to be. Think for a moment though, is anything truly easy ever worth much?



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  1. Sharita

    Amen, my sister! This is my heart– to be the wife that God has called me to be by complete and total dependence on Him with full knowledge that while my beloved husband DOES bring me joy, marriage is NOT about being happy– it’s about focusing on Christ.

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      YES! We can have a happy marriage, but it is the marriage that remains focused on Christ that is filled with true joy from God alone! Blessings!

  2. Sheila at Longings End

    Such wise and honest words, Misty. I loved this: We must be dedicated and partnered with Jesus to be the wife we’ve been called to be. The wife God created us to be. The wife Jesus will empower us to be. This is so much easier said than done, I know this to be so very true.

    Our Lord is our first Husband…and if we are living to please HIM…serving, respecting and loving our husbands can come so much more easily. But the hard first step is surrender our wills…and mine has been so strong in the wrong directions some times. But He gently and patiently teaches us, honing us and making our marriages a good representation of Him and His bride. Thanks for sharing this. Blessings…

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      Yes, when Christ is kept first in our lives, and our commitment to Him is deep and strong, then our marriage relationships will follow suit. It starts at the top and works its way down.

      It truly is hard to surrender our wills, that is something I struggle with in every day life a lot of times. Yet, I know it’s good because God’s still working on me! 🙂


  3. Diane

    Visiting from Mom’s Monday Mingle…SO important to have Jesus as the center of our marriage! And…to not let our feelings define our marriage. Blessings to you!

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      Yes, feelings must not drive whether we succeed in our marriages or not. Jesus is the glue that will hold it all together, if we just remember to keep Him right in the middle of it with us! Thank you for stoppin by! Blessings!

  4. Beth

    Wow, Misty! So encouraging and so wise, my friend. Just this morning I was praying that God’s light would shine on my brokenness–filling up all the cracks and spaces. Your reminder that God’s light illumines the darkness in our lives brought me back to that prayer and I’m seeing the pinpoint of light you mentioned. He is using your heart and words here, my friend. Thanks so much and blessing to you!

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      God truly is amazing how He fills us up with exactly what we need in ways we don’t expect it! I love His little surprises like that. It makes me keep my eyes out for what He’s doing in and around me. Praying that your pinpoint of light has become a bit brighter 😉 Blessings to you sis!

  5. Rebecca

    So beautiful – we must be filled with Him – and then give all we have – which is Him to others – including our husbands. Beautiful post.

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      Amen! It is not of myself that I am able to do these things. All things come from Him. 1 Chron. 29:11-20 <3

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