In order to manage a home you must take the time to organize and remain determined. There are many ways to manage and organize, but most mom’s work in similar ways.
As moms we tend to make charts, check boxes, complete to do lists, etc. Babysitters receive lists of dos and don’ts, nursery workers know the cans and can’ts, even the in-laws know the rules of your home.
In our homes, we organize our pantries and fridge a particular way, laundry days are set, menus are created in advance, cleaning days are planned.
We get so used to passing on information to those caring for our kids and/or our homes that we (at times) will even attempt to give a do and don’t reminder list to our husbands.
Somehow we forget that they care for themselves just as we do. The question is how are we more qualified to care for a home or the kids than they are?
Sure things might not be done like we would, but the kids will live after a meal (or two) from Mickey D’s, the dishes can be washed again, and so can the laundry.
Our husbands need to know that we trust them, their God given manly ego requires it. When we try to tell them when to do things, how to do them, when to do them, and how to do it; we completely squash their ego. Chances are that the “alone time” or the help he was offering won’t happen again anytime soon because he sees and senses your distrust in him.
Trust in our husbands must come from remembering God’s design for marriage. He made our husbands the leader of the home. Â Our life’s calling is to help him as we walk side by side, not to tell him how to do things or when to do them.
 My personal experience….
I can’t tell you how many times over the last 10 years that I have left our kiddos home with my husband and as I’ve walked out the door I was rambling off what was in the fridge that they could eat, when they needed their naps, etc. Thankfully he was patient when the kiddos were little because he knew I just wanted to make sure everything went smoothly for him, but over time I could tell that he was getting frustrated and felt like I was “mothering” him.
The only request I make of my husband when I’m away from home visiting my parents, is that he gets all of the dirty dishes into the dishwasher before I arrive home. I can put up with pretty much any other mess, but dirty dishes in my kitchen is not something I can handle. 🙂
16 comments
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Alice M.
November 1, 2013 at 9:15 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hi Missy, I’ve been lurking for a while but enjoyed this reminder so much I thought I’d “unlurk” and comment. 🙂 I don’t have any children yet, but in this season of my husband and my life, things have drastically changed in our household. My husband and I have been in full time ministry for the past 9 years and about 7 months ago, I took on a position as a therapist in inner city Los Angeles to better equip myself for full time ministry. Thing is…the position is a good 1-2 hours EACH WAY to and from work. I am away from the home from 7-7 or 8-8 every day. 60 hours a week. Gross.
Up until this point, even while in school, I found great joy and took great PRIDE in managing our home, from cooking, cleaning, organizing, hostessing…and after starting my job there was no possible way for me to continue to do so. But I still need to feel in control, right? 😉 So what I would do is make these lists for my husband of things I wanted him to accomplish and how to accomplish it and “No, honey, you never buy things full price at the market!!” And so on. But what I’m realizing is, who cares if he does it differently than I would? It gets done. And then even more concerning, have I been inhibiting his growth and personal development by demanding him to do things my way and not allowing him to figure it out on his own?
I’ve learned to appreciate and find it so endearing when I come home and he’s rolled up all my laundry even though I fold my clothes, or when he’s so proud of a marinara sauce recipe he found on his own, and so on. And I’ve learned to chill out and stop berating him when the counters are dirty even though he has just wiped them down and I don’t get why he didn’t just wait until after cooking to wipe them down.
Anyways, all this to say, I get you girl. 😉 Thanks for writing.
simplyhelpinghim
November 3, 2013 at 7:47 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Aww thank you so much for *unlurking* and blessing me by doing so! It really is hard to let go of the duties we so typically do in the home. Yet, it is important to do so and let them help us in their own way. It is a blessing when they do help us and we must strive to accept the help as such 😉 I’m so glad someone gets me 🙂 (((hugs)))
Katherine
October 30, 2013 at 11:28 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Such great advice! We have two new blessing additions to our family, and it seems I’m doing just that. I will remember your wonderful tips in walking side by side with my wonderful husband. Stopping by from link up.
Katherine
simplyhelpinghim
October 31, 2013 at 7:45 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Aww congratulations on your new additions! 🙂 Thank you for stoppin by! Blessings!
Beth
October 24, 2013 at 5:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I think this is such a common struggle for women, especially women who are stay-at-home mom’s and take care of so many things while the husband is at work. It’s hard to let go and trust them. But you’re exactly right, Misty! It’s crucial that our husband’s know we trust them and think they are fully capable of caring for our home and family when we need their help. Great thoughts!
simplyhelpinghim
October 25, 2013 at 8:24 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Yes it is a common struggle that I hear from other wives. I believe we get into our own little world of mothering that we forget that they don’t need mothers. They need wives and lovers 😉 Thanks for stoppin by Beth and for hosting the link up! Blessings!
Mel @ Trailing After God
October 23, 2013 at 1:04 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Good post. Totally agree. I am very thankful for a husband who is completely willing to help with every aspect of the home and I let him w/o a word. I’m not the domestic diva and I can let things go. I am certainly not anywhere near as organized as what you listed in the post. I don’t make lists, charts, etc 🙂 I’m glad to see someone else encouraging women to let their husbands be a part of the home. Everyone benefits from that!
simplyhelpinghim
October 23, 2013 at 8:56 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m not always making lists, charts, etc. There are many times that I don’t and you can tell 😉 I do find that they do help me stay on track and keep things moving much smoother in my home. 🙂 Thanks so much for stoppin by and chatting! 🙂 Blessings!
Jo Cross
October 23, 2013 at 9:12 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s good to think about what our managing and to-do lists communicates – potentially distrust or “mothering”. He’s perfectly capable of doing what needs to be done, and if I give him the chance without becoming bossy, we all win! Thanks for the article!
simplyhelpinghim
October 23, 2013 at 8:59 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Yes, what we often see as “helping” him comes across as distrust or “mothering”. I don’t think women typically see it as that, but I believe that is what most (if not all) men would say it feels like to them. Thanks so much for stoppin by! Blessings!
Kendra @A Proverbs 31 Wife
October 22, 2013 at 8:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Misty, those dirty dishes are my issue as well! 🙂
simplyhelpinghim
October 23, 2013 at 9:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Phew! I’m glad I’m not alone in that issue 😉 Blessings hun!
Elisabeth
October 21, 2013 at 5:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
LOL, my husband will joke sometimes that he has eight children… and I have nine! He always calls himself “an overgrown kid”… and in many ways he is. His joyful, childlike ways can sometimes make it challenging… not to actually respect him, because I do, so much… but to know how to show that I respect him in ways that that acknowledge his basic personality! I love how playful he is with the kids… I’m much more of “lesson” type person… while he’s the one who breaks out Monopoly and has an all day game marathon with them!
simplyhelpinghim
October 23, 2013 at 9:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s not often that a hubby jokes with that line 😉 It is good that you know it is challenging to show respect to him because it helps you be more intentional in doing so 😉 I am a checklist and “lesson” teacher as well, I don’t know that I could handle an entire day of Monopoly even if it is my favorite board game 😉 Kudos to your hubby for being willing to do that, and to you for realizing it is part of his God given character 😉 Thanks for stoppin by and chattin! 🙂 Blessings!
Emily Cook
October 21, 2013 at 8:25 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I agree! I have had to adjust my standards and lessen the bossiness as well. I now “brace” myself for an un-wiped counter when I come home… a very small sacrifice, really.
Fathers are not mothers, and that is a GOOD thing 🙂 I love your honest and beautiful description of submission and respect- thanks for the encouragement!@
Thank you for the thoughtful post!
Emily
http://www.weakandloved.com
simplyhelpinghim
October 23, 2013 at 9:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
They really are small sacrifices, yet we tend to blow them up. Sigh. Fathers have their own specific calling as do mothers, and they fit our personalities 😉
Thanks so much for stoppin by and visiting 🙂 Blessings!