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Hubby Time - Simply Helping Him: Marriage Experience from a Help Meet



Sep 09

Hubby Time

Last week my hubby took a trip with some friends to the US Open in New York. He is an avid tennis player, and has made this trip a yearly ritual. Our oldest left for college last week as well, so we weren’t sure he’d be able to make it. I was very happy that he was able to make the trip this year.

I have to be honest though….I have not always been happy with my husband having “hubby time”. 

There were several years that I was angry he needed or even wanted time away from me…..from our family. Him having alone time said things to me like, “He can’t handle a family”, “He doesn’t want to spend time with you”, “He doesn’t love you”, and on and on these depressing thoughts would go.

These years were some of the hardest years in my life, and in our marriage.

I was so focused on what I wanted and how our family should work, I never bothered to think about what my husband might need.

After a long days physical fisherman’s labor, what could he use most?

An understanding wife or an angry, selfish one?

What right do I have to be selfish when he works hard to provide for our family’s needs?

I have come to understand and encourage him to enjoying things like; an hour or two hitting a few tennis balls with friends, an evening motorcycle ride through town, and zoning out watching the latest match on the tennis channel.


I will say, and my husband would agree that there were years that the amount of time he spent playing tennis was excessive.

I can also say that there are times that I spend too many hours on the computer.

We must come to the place where we put our spouse’s needs above our own. (Romans 12:10 & Philippians 2:3) As wives, we must do this even if our husbands don’t reciprocate this action. We are only responsible for that which we do. 

So the next time you notice your husband heading out to have some “hubby time”, put on a pretty smile, give him a hugs, a kiss and send him off with wishes for a good time.

The alternative is sending him off leaving an angry, selfish wife behind. Which do you think he’ll be more likely to return to quickest?

Unfortunately I already know because I have been both…..

I encourage you to be the loving, encouraging wife to your husband that he longs for. He will in turn come to love you beyond your wildest imaginations.



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  1. Linda

    Giving our husbands our blessing to enjoy the activity the refreshes and rejuvenates him blesses our marriages in the long run. Thank you for these wise words!

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      Amen! Isn’t it great how it benefits us too later 😉 Thanks for stoppin by!

  2. caroline

    Thanks for the reminder!! So cool your husband got to go to that!

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      It’s a reminder for myself as well! 🙂 He always has a great time going, so I’m glad he is able to do so. Thanks for stoppin by! Blessings!

  3. Shana Norris

    I really applaud your honesty and willingness to share your experiences and learning in this post.

    I’m an introvert (like Rosilind) so I crave alone time. But despite that, there have been times when I’ve felt somehow threatened when my husband wants “hubby time.” I always have to catch myself and ask WHY I’m feeling that way.

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      Asking “why” definitely does help. Somehow being “alone” seems to affect women more than men, from what I’ve seen over my life. I think it is within us looking for the man we were created to help 😉 Thanks for stoppin by! Blessings!

  4. Gina

    I have the opposite problem, having married a delightful hermit. He is at his happiest hanging out with us. I often encourage him to go and play computer games at his mates and he will…..if we come, too! You know how opposites attract? Well, I am the opposite to a hermit. I want to go out to play with my friends. I find myself feeling guilty when I do go as, although he completely supports me, I know he would rather I didn’t. He is very lovely about it but…..there is always this feeling. I don’t get out much anyway as my home ed, adopted kids have a real problem believing in permanency and in my return. I don’t exactly live the high life either, I go to mostly prayer meetings or coffee with my girl friends. Lol. So, I try to schedule play-dates in the day with people I get on well with and can talk to while my kids get into scrapes with their kids.
    I do wish my husband could understand that when I go off with my mates it is just because I want to talk girl-stuff or do girl-stuff and it isn’t about taking away from him. I feel more like myself when I have re-charged my batteries and make a better wife and mother when I have done that. There are only so many days when all the conversation I have can be about Star Wars or princesses!

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      When I do get to hang with girlfriends it is typically at a play date 😉 I don’t go many places without one or both of my lil blessings. Hubby has been around more in the last few years, than in the first years of our marriage. That has helped me move beyond wanting him home all the time. It also has grown our relationship, as well as his with the kiddos. My hubby and I are definitely opposites, so I hear you on that one! 🙂 LOL! Thanks for stoppin by! Blessings!

  5. Rosilind @ A Little R & R

    This is a great post. I know a lot of women feel the way you used to. I remember reading an old book by Tim LaHaye called, “Understanding the Male Temperament” and he addressed this very issue – of letting the man have “man time” and developing separate interests as well as common ones. It’s so vital for the marriage to give each other space. My introvert side craves that. 🙂

    1. simplyhelpinghim

      It is important to have your own space, I’m learning that as I grow older 😉 I’ve never heard of that book by Tim, I only know him as the author of the Left Behind Series! LOL! 🙂 Blessings and hugs sis!

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