What do you do if your husband is caught in an emotional affair? Do you write off the marriage? Do you get angry and bitter and let everyone, including your husband know it?
God has provided for your husband’s complete sanctification and deliverance from temptation through you, his wife. You must face the facts ~ life is not fair. Marriage is not fair.
If your husband is caught in an emotional affair….
Obviously, he doesn’t feel the shame that you do. He is motivated by baser instincts and drives. Yes, he is wrong, but your response…can lead to the destruction of your marriage. You can rear up in rage and indignation; you can stand on your rights and stand on truth, but it won’t save your marriage. When you have lost your husband and are alone….You can always know that you stood on principle, you called him out, and you didn’t allow him to humiliate you and play the hypocrite. You called his hand. There he will be, living in sin with that other woman, and you, the righteous one, will still be standing for your rights ~ but sleeping alone.
I am not suggesting that this is your fault, that you are the cause of your husband’s sin. I am just warning you that if you really, honestly want to win your husband back to yourself, you must change you game plan. Face it: you have a competitor. She is your rival, the enemy of your heart’s desire. Your negative responses are not going to make your carnal husband suddenly be the mature man who does what he ought. My husband says, “No man has ever crawled out from under his wife’s criticism to be a better man ~ no matter how justified her condemnation.
Your husband will never be pressured into loving you, even if you are his wife. He will never leave a smiling secretary to come home to a frowning wife. You cannot be pitiful enough to force him to love you.
You can win if you are willing to lose your pride. Your husband is going to love what is lovely to him. You must be more lovely than she.
Never demand that a man love you and cherish you because he ought to. Earn every smile and shared moment. Cultivate his love for you. It is in your best interest to learn to use feminine wiles. A woman holds her man with the fragile threads of adoration, thankfulness, delight, and just plain fun. He needs to hear gladness and appreciation in your voice when you speak to him, even when you are talking of every day things. He needs this as much as, or perhaps more than, sexual release.
I love to watch the movie “A Coal Miner’s Daughter” and the lyrics from her song “You Ain’t Woman Enough to Take My Man” encourage us in this situation! “Women like you are a dime a dozen; you can buy them anywhere. For you to get him, I’ve got to move over, and I’m gonna stand right here.”
Just remember, you are fighting a woman who is in the dime-a-dozen class. They are everywhere, ready to steal away the heart of the man who feels uncared for and unappreciated. The tool of your warfare is your loving, kind, delightful, radiant, adoring self.
A man will appreciate and be attracted to a woman who cares enough to fight for her man.
So what should/could you do to win back the heart of your man?
Write love notes he will find when he gets to the office. Don’t ride him with suspicion. Don’t play detective and follow him around. But do call his work with a giggle in your voice, and give him fair warning that you expect “some loving” when he gets home then giggle and ask him if he is blushing. Once or twice a month, show up at work during lunchtime for a brief unexpected visit. Make sure you are looking radiant and delightfully in love. Your very sweetness and thankfulness toward you man will make that cheap office hussy feel she is beneath your class. And your “innocence” and confidence will cause all the men in the office to be angry at “the woman” for her underhanded advances. It will fortify your husband’s spirit.
Be creative and aggressive in your private, intimate times. Keep him drained at home so he won’t have any sexual need at work. If you feed him well, emotionally and sexually, her cooking won’t tempt him. God is on your side. Fight and win.
What can I can do to keep him happy at home? Happy with me?
**Remember all text in Italics in this series are the words of Debi Pearl, from her book “Created to be His Help Meet”
Previous Posts in this Series