I Need to Dream

Joel 2:28 

“And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.

We all dream. Some dreams are big, others are small.

For a long time, I did not dream. I set realistic attainable goals. My goals had a step-by-step process to attain. My goals never related to personal affairs such as marriage, money or children.

Until I found out I was pregnant with my son.

Then it all changed.

My son did not fit in with my goals. From the beginning, I loved him more than I loved myself. I did not want to waste this gift I was given. I just could not have both and be happy. I did not think I could, and therefore I did not try.

Then, I stopped goal-setting. And I did not dream.

I did not know what I wanted with my life except be his mother.

Then, I got married. I had another son, then two daughters. I moved across country. I bought a house. I blogged about it all. I wasn’t sure where it was all leading. I was just going with the flow.

Now it’s today.

I feel lost. I feel empty at times. Motherhood and wifedom is wonderful, but sometimes it is not enough.

I realize I need to dream. I miss having a goal. I miss trying for something bigger than myself.

Most of my dreams are tangible, for I already have the intangible… the love of my husband, children and of course, God.

Yet dreaming means growth.

As this year comes to a close, I dream of having a closer relationship with God, I will read and study the bible, pray more alone and with my family. I dream of family togetherness, I will plan family meetings and fun nights.  I dream of having more income, so we have more flexibility in our schedule, I will plan for a part-time job. I dream of fitting into smaller clothes, so I will change my diet and stay dedicated to a healthier me.

Overall, I dream of having a happier, healthier and blessed life for us all. For I see a vision for my family, and we are not quite there yet.