Dear Wife Who Feels Unloved

Feeling Unloved?

Throughout the last 10 years, I have been in both of these places……more times than I care to admit….

“Stage 1”

The days seem longer than you’ve ever imagined they could be….

Gone are the dreams you one had…..for after all they were based on Hollywood glamour, their perfectly flawless and always happy endings.

You’ve traded your dreams of romance filled nights, for romance movies and books.

You soar with the romance dreamed up and put on display.

You’re thankful for some kind of romantic feeling in your life….

Or…

“Stage 2”

You’ve given up on your dreams, and have shut down any kind of romantic feeling you have left. Movies and books make you cry, and long for that which you don’t have.

You find it easier to shut down that part of your life vs. being bombarded with the overwhelming feeling of being unloved.

While Hollywood certainly doesn’t help us live in our real lives well, it is not fully to blame.

We weren’t created to love by our feelings…..or even our actions.

Feelings are deceitful…..just as our hearts are…..

Love is a choice….

“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken.” (Shakespeare Sonnet 116)

“Is love a fancy, or a feeling? No. It is immortal as immaculate Truth, ‘Tis not a blossom shed as soon as youth, Drops from the stem of life—for it will grow, In barren regions, where no waters flow, Nor rays of promise cheats the pensive gloom. A darkling fire, faint hovering o’er a tomb, That but itself and darkness nought doth show, It is my love’s being yet it cannot die, Nor will it change, though all be changed beside; Though fairest beauty be no longer fair, Though vows be false, and faith itself deny, Though sharp enjoyment be a suicide, And hope a spectre in a ruin bare.” (Hartley Coleridge Sonnett 7)

How we feel, is not the measuring stick for love. Love goes through ebbs and flows, there will be days you don’t like each other, but you must still choose to love.

Should you find yourself feeling unloved, I ask you to look to the One that created you, loves you as the imperfectly perfect creation He made you to be.

Are we not unlovely at times, to Him whom loves perfectly?

Did He not choose to love us, in the greatest way possible? By His Son’s life as a sacrifice for our souls? (John 15:13 KJV)

God’s love alone is perfect, and it is not based on feelings. It is His choice to love us, no matter if the feeling is reciprocal or not. His love is never ending nor failing.

May we truly grasp the depth of His love, and see His love that He presents to us over and over again through ages past and each day we live.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39 KJV)