Today’s Friend Friday post is being shared by Susie from Homemaker Mom. Be sure to swing by her corner and visit!
This is a log in my own personal progress journal. It’s my walk with Abba and my marriage to my husband. This summer some important changes have been taking place in me and my marriage. Here is my log for June 23 of 2012 that I wanted to share and use to encourage you!
I realized today that in the back of my mind, as Ryan has always said I have had mental escape ships. (This can be anything; such as ways out of the marriage if he hurts me again or emotionally withdraw, etc.).
I honestly have had them. Yet, how can I ask God for growth, intimacy & healing in my marriage? Supposedly asking by faith for these things to happen and still have a mental exit plan; be it physically or mentally from my husband if all fails? These exit plans would bring me comfort in the back of my mind.
Having a plan B in my mind is not asking God for healing & intimacy or spiritual growth by faith. Plus I always thought “if” it doesn’t work out or if he hurts my heart one more time, I can leave. That is not devotion, till death do us part, that is not showing my husband the devotion unconditionally he has always needed to see from me. He has lived with me now 8 years knowing this yet still chose me.
I mentally tried and have thus far burned my exit plans since recently discovering them. I need to show him and God devotion by my actions, in my heart & mind.
I cannot let fear reign because perfect love casts out fear! I know Ryan will somehow hurt me again. I know he will somehow let me down. I have done that to God; still God was devoted and is devoted to me & gives me GRACE. I should do the same.
How is our marriage to resemble Jesus and his bride (the church) in unconditional covenant love, if I do not love Ryan unconditionally! Even if at times Ryan is not showing me the love of Christ, as a man should by loving me unconditionally. This is no excuse for me not to do what’s right. Love is not conditional. God is Love and love just “is” one word GOD!
In closing, maybe I have asked and prayed for something in my marriage that would never happen until I had this revelation. Possibly I was the blockage to answered prayer in this area. I am not perfect and will extend grace to myself in this now. I was waiting on God to deliver my godly marriage, but it looks like for 8 years He has waited on me.
Change begins with me! The children of Israel wandered around too, for 40 years because of unbelief & lack of FULL devotion. It’s not just lack of faith that kept them out of the promise land; it was also lack of devotion that God’s heart was longing for from them. Just as we do in marriage!
The journey will not be easy, but God is faithful and will always be there, even when your spouse emotionally at times may not be. God will provide your needs always, another person cannot do this at all times! Faith & devotion is all it took to enter the promise land.
Do you want yours sooner?
Susie Jackson, is a wife and homeschooling mom, who seeks adventures in her life & has many hobbies. She is passionately in love with Father God. Also find her at Homemaker Mom, which she owns.