Love ~ Is It a Feeling or a Choice?

We all remember the good ol’ days….Where everything was perfect, he was perfect. We felt adored, lovely, holding hands and kissing wasn’t even a question…..

What happens when the good ol’ days are gone? When nothing goes right, when neither of you are perfect is a reality, loveliness is exchanged for pjs, and affection is not what it used to be?

In the beginning we tell everyone ~ “we’re in love!” Time goes on, life happens, choices are made and before you know it we’re telling people, “I think I’m falling out of love.”

When I think of this scenario, I picture a girl dropping from the sky “falling down” landing next to a guy. They walk off hand in hand, “in love” with each other. Then time passes and she begins “falling down” again, away from and “out of love.” I know that isn’t how I met my husband, and I’m pretty sure it’s not how you found yours.

So many times I’ve heard the words, “I’ve fallen out of love with him”, or “I don’t love him anymore.” I have even spoken these words. The first statement is untrue; you CAN’T fall out of love with somebody. The second statement can be true, but it means you have allowed it.

Why can’t you “fall” out of love, why can’t you just “happen” to not love him anymore? Plain and simple ~ love is a choice, not a feeling!

Many people view love as a feeling, as the emotional high you get when you first begin a relationship. I too, used to believe this was “love”.

Looking at God’s Word gives us a completely different view, His view, His plan, His way, for love as He intended it to be! He is the Creator of it remember? 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

^“4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

⁵ Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

⁶ Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

⁷ Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

⁸ Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.”

I’m going to break these verses down a bit; because I believe in “common” scripture sometimes we glance over it and move on.

“Love suffers long” ~ Even through all the changes in the “perfect” relationship, love remains. It does so for a “long” while at times even!

“Love is kind” ~ when our relationship hits rocks and gets difficult, these are the times when our kindness is most important!

“Love doesn’t envy” ~ when other relationships flourish, when hubby gets a promotion, we remain thankful for all God has blessed us with.

“Love doesn’t brag/arrogant” ~ Love is not about me!

“Love does not behave unbecomingly” ~ Love is honoring and respectful in all actions ~ thinking of your husband and reputation come first!

“Love does not seek its own” ~ you don’t promote and do things just for yourself, you are a couple, two became one, remember?

“Love is not easily provoked” ~ in a disagreement you don’t allow your buttons to be pushed, you choose to take the higher road ~ to be a peacemaker.

“Love thinketh no evil” ~ the thoughts that come into your head during the disagreement? Yes, you must choose to push them aside.

“Love rejoiceth not in iniquity” ~ if something happens to your hubby at work, or if someone does him wrong, you don’t rejoice because you’re upset with him.

These are the things we AREN’T supposed to do! It’s a lot, but we can do it all through Christ! We must make the choice to do them and He will strengthen us to do so!

How are we doing on the things we are supposed to do? Showing, choosing to truly love our husbands includes the following….

“Love rejoiceth in the truth” ~ When there is open communication, honesty abounding ~ no lies, nothing hidden ~ this is a time to rejoice in your relationship!

“Love bears all things” ~ you hold up, under any and all circumstances ~ your love is unwavering.

“Love believeth all things” ~ even when life is difficult, walls are up for a time ~ you choose to believe the best! Believe that God is working in/on you and your relationship!

“Love hopes all things” ~ when you’re down and out, when all seems lost, hope remains! For our hope is in God ~ the Creator of love!

“Love endureth all things” ~ you choose to “put up” with it all; it doesn’t say it will be easy, but you do it ~ by choice! 

“Love never fails” ~ throughout all of life’s twists and turns, love never fails! In Christ with His strength alone, this is possible! Relying on self, you will fail. Perfection is His alone.

1 John 4:8

^8b”……for God is love.”

Does our “love” shine as He does? No, it cannot compare, yet when we want to “check” on our love ~ He alone is that which we need to compare to! Not other couples, not Hollywood, the movies or a romance novel.

In all of our failings, in all our carnality, nothing separates us from God’s love.

Romans 8:35-39

^35″ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

³⁶ As it is written, for thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

³⁷ Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

³⁸ For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

³⁹ Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

These portions of scripture should be our model for love. Herein lay the answers to how we are to love our husbands. God chooses to love us ~ just as we are ~ each and every day.

We are given the same choice ~ to love our husbands as they are ~ each and every day!

The choice is yours to make!

Choose love!

Choose life for your marriage!